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Humorous Corrected InfiniteBS Timeline
Sitemap ---- HUMOROUS CORRECTED INFINITE BS TIMELINE ---- NOTE - Some (many) of the Events and their Dates detected in the game may simply be Comstock Propaganda. NOTE - Some listed Events are from the Web Game Irrational Lunatics which tried to foist a Ludicrous (explained elsewhere) Class War environment onto Columbia. ''' '''Note - Attempts here have been made to spread the dates of some events/developments further apart so as to NOT have the Timeline look like it was crafted by someone deficient in use of dates and numbers AND has unreal expectations about how quick things DON'T happen in the Real World. Note - Reading this Timeline Will VOID your Warranty for the Game. ''' ---- Earlier * God Creates the Multiverse as a JokeOr Didn't. 1752 * Ben Franklin's Kite Franklin's Kite had Afterburners and Radar Guided missiles because of some strange timetraveling disturbances to the Continuumis struck by Lightning and a Lightning Bolt was guided down into a nearby bean bush, causing : a bean's quantum makeup to change, and at the same time inventing fried beansHenceforth Fried Beans were a staple of George Washingtons Army during the Revolution. * Benjamin Franklin later collects those odd beans from that bush and puts them into an old Beer Stein - thus The Franklin Stein is created. (His Peppermint Plants were also famous and used to create The Franklin Mint). 1874 * Booker (origin of name is Beech-tree, not that popular before 1895) Dewitt is born in Infinite Universes (and NOT in even more Infinite other ones). "Booker" can also be used as a female's name (with a much lower frequency) for some 'different' Infinite universes (probably also an adequate name for a Pony or a Chimp). In some Alternate Universes the character 'Booker' was a female (and had an evil twin alternate Zaylee Halley Comstock, who had a magical boy child Elizar). In at least ONE alternate universe where the Booker was female, Zaylee on exposure to Tears had a sex change and became our favorite Zachary Hale Comstock. 1889 * Rosalind Lutece's theorieshttps://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/hypothesis about parallel universes causes her to be ostracized In ancient Greece people were actually fed alive to flesh eating Ostriches by what little of the Scientific Community paid her any attenion. Rather than sell her body as a common prostitute, Rosalind chooses to crochet doilies https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/doily with funny rude cat pictures on them to raise funds for furthering her theoretical research https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Multiverse. 1890 * Some magic beans (in a jar buried in Chicago, labeled "DONT OPEN TIL 1890") are found and planted and grow into magic bean plants. Rosalind Lutece names these beans 'particles'. They glow strangely (and in most universes 20 years later Rosalind dies of Radiation Poisoning). * '''Particle Power Pyramid Power - http://www.pyramid-cafe.in/Power.html displaces all of Rosalind's other obsessions. She works on doilies during the day, and at night on developing this new area of 'Science', attempting to prove her Alternate Dimension Theories. * Finally, using one of Rosalind's partially crochet'd apparatuses (the one which didn't blow up), a Telegraph message between dimensions (universes) is sent - It is a wrong number. The next message received - "ETG VIGSDWE YUBYTH" seemed random, but Rosalind was sure "It means something". Eventually, after many further attempts, communication via Morse Code (or Hurst Code as it was known in the other universe) is successful. * The First Tear is opened, and a large majority of timelines face catastrophe and are destroyed because of all the many bad and dangerous things that exist on the other side of these 'Tears'. The destruction escalates as more random 'Tears' open (many caused by an Infinite number of 'Tear' machines now running uncontrolled in universes where Mankind was wiped out by something nasty coming in through a Tear). * December 29: There is a Crazy battle/massacre in which a too young 16 year old Booker (the 'white injun') does his good patriotic duty. Politicians hand out Congressional Medals of Honor like candy for a rather not-overly-brave slaughter ( That ACTUALLY happened. A later outcry about the absurdity of this kind of medal-giving caused conditions for awarding C.M.H. to be made far more stringent. ) * December 31: First Transit Through a Tear (by half a small dog). Rosalind perseveres and 18 dogs later, at Midnight, manages to pull through her male equivalent (Robert) from another dimension (he is drunk and wearing a traffic cone on his head). Strangely no 'Merging' occurs, which Rosalind attributes to her diet of Magic Beans and her regularity (also is the source of a strange blue glowing gas she frequently emits). 1891 * Booker, now 17, using his Army reputation as an 'Injun Mutilator', gets a job with the Pinkerton Agency. His first case is strike breaking a Chicago Crochet Union Strike, an operation which is quite bloody. He cements his reputation further (by cementing a half-dozen dead strikers inside a wall in an abandoned building). In one dimension, he adds the scalps of two british sounding prats to his growing collection. * Rosalind meets 'agent' Booker while working as a Scab at a doilie factory during this Strike. Robert refers to her odd acquaintance as "A Nasty Piece Of Work", and "A Fetid Lump of Dross Bound For Hell" (In at least one Alternate Universe, Booker murders Robert Lutece at this point in time). 1892 * Rosalind Lutece gives Comstock access to her Tear Machine (( '' Not sure why or how a 'scientist' becomes interested in either : some unknown 19-year-old boy *OR* a rabid racist cult leader, *OR* a Strikebreaking Thug. '' )) * Somehow through exposures to 'Tears', the 19-year-old Comstock is reduced to the appearance of an 75 year old man (( '' an odd effect not reported to be experienced upon anyone else '' )). Using his new gravitas, he then finds gullible people to give him money for being an important cult leader 'Prophet', and for spouting bible-like diatribes at them. Apparently Comstock is able to look into the future - into other "ALTERNATE" realities - which really cannot be Constant nor mostly ever come true, being infinitely different quantum realities. He proves more Con-man than Holy-man, really mostly just telling them things they want to hear, and exhibiting things in his Freak Circus, which he has obtained through these 'Tears'. Possibly the book "Christianity For Dummies" got read by Comstock to improve his 'cult' material for his planned "Big Scam". * FloatyShit™ is invented by Rosalind Lutece (somehow using Flint Knives and BearskinsA Star Trek reference, or maybe more likely is just stolen through a Tear ?). A strange green glowing gas is employed for this invention (Historians have long misidentified this gas as 'Flubber Gas'). * FloatyShit™ is Demonstrated to Comstock (and what he sees is not just the result of one of his "injun" herb hallucinations). Lightbulbs go on in his head (unfortunately for him that Edison invented those in 1878). Freak Circus funds to both Luteces follow, which are used to plant many beanfields. Sherlock Holmes was first published on 14 October 1892. The individual stories had been serialized in The Strand Magazine between July 1891 and June 1892. 1893 * Comstock successfully lobbies the U.S. Congress to provide funding for the construction of Columbia, a Flying City he intends to make a modern-day ark. ((An amazing feat for a 19-year-old political neophyte at a time when the US Government had barely any Tax money at all -- and all of THAT already was being earmarked for various entrenched politicians' OWN projects.)) The American Press have a field day with Comstock's proposal. Madame Rosalind (as the Press has labeled her) has had to raise repeated crops of her 'Beans' to prepare for this project - all while dodging jeering crowds and a plague of rabid gophers. * The American Economy has had indications of heading into a new Depression for over a year ((Amazingly, "Columbia" (however small) gets built within a few months -- ANOTHER COMPLETE MIRACLE !!)) * May 1 through October 30: The 1893 World’s Columbian Exposition occurs, exemplifying the concept of American exceptionalism. The star attraction of the exposition is the floating city of Columbia, an ambitious project envisioned by the self-proclaimed prophet Zachary Hale Comstock, designed by Rosalind and Robert Lutece, and funded by the U.S. government. * Government and Industrial spies swarm all over Columbia, and steal all the technical details of the Floatyshit™ technology and other related things. Many Magic Bean 'Particles' go missing. Many Foreign Governments and Industrialists start their own projects to develop what is now referred to as 'quantumz' technologies. * May 3: Pieces falling from Columbia kill several fairgoers in Chicago, causing the Fair Commission to force Columbia to float positioned well out over Lake Michigan. * October 8: Booker DeWitt, a shady rum-soaked P.I., gives up (sells) his daughter to pay off his large gambling debts, and fails to save her after changing his mind. All he has left to remember her by is her sheered-off pinky, which he keeps in a matchbox, til he loses it when he is drunk one night a week later. ** Baby Anna's pinkie finger is severed by a closing 'Tear' while she is transported into an alternate universe by Comstock and the Luteces. By having tissue(?) existing in two realities simultaneously, she (somehow) is able to later intuitively manipulate Tears (( '' Similar Effects happen with Booker's/Comstock's (and later some Korean guy's) dandruff '' )). ** In another number of universes, a Highly Contagious Deadly Plague Bacteria is brought back to Columbia and everyone dies, and the place becomes a floating ghost city/charnel house -- and the setting for a much Superior (and Very Profitable) BioShock Sequel. ** Comstock presents the baby Anna DeWitt, renamed "Elizabeth", as the "Lamb of Columbia", and makes the claim that Lady Comstock gave birth to her after only a week of gestation to explain Elizabeth's sudden appearance. (( '' Which likely fooled noone '' )). Lady Comstock seeks to denounce "That Bastard" (and the trollop ex-convict servant Daisy Fitzroy, as well as that "whore" Rosalind Lutece). Lady Comstock bides her time and schemes with her new found lover Jeremiah Fink, who seeks ultimate power in Columbia (and eventually The World). * In the final universe seen in the after-credits scene (where Comstock never existed, and Booker was supposedly drowned years before ???), Booker somehow is back in his office. He opens the door that leads to the crib, calling out Anna's name. (( '' Alternate Reality has as a High Probability : Baby Anna is not there because she is dead of a childhood disease - and Booker is as deliriously drunk as ever. '' )) * October 15: Rosalind Lutece gives Voxophones to her "twin" in order to explain how he came to be in her reality. They have an odd relationship where she does this 'messaging' alot, instead of just talking to him face to face. (( '' Unfortunately, a X into Y chromosome difference is far more than 'One' quantum change, which has him likely to be more like Charles Manson/Hannibal Lechter, than herself. C'est la vie. '' )) * Late 1893: Beatrix Potter (of "Peter Rabbit" fame) writes a story about a Pigeon in a Church, giving Comstock an "Idea". * Non Sequitur fact - Arthur Conan Doyle killed off Sherlock Holmes in 1893, at Reichenbach Falls, which offers no coincidence by somehow being one of Columbia's "stops". 1894 * The floating American Show City of Columbia starts a global tour of major cities. Attempts to make Columbia 'pay for itself' fail. More pieces fall off of Columbia's shoddy workmanship (the whole thing was built in the same temporary manner as the rest of the Exposition because of time and money constraints). * August 12: Jeremiah Fink starts using the Lutece's Tears (which Robert trades for stakes at Finks rigged poker game) to access scientific advancements (( '' which outside of Fantasy he cannot possibly understand or replicate '' )) from other realities. He had seen his brother Albert Fink made alot of money from stealing music of future eras (( '' Which is utterly simple compared to recreating/engineering an unintelligible technology '' )). Some of that music is so alien/obscene (in words and sound) that it almost gets Albert lynched for witchcraft, blasphemy, and criminal indecency. * November 14: Fink observes Dr Yi Suchong through Tears which coincidentally opened into Rapture (on its own timeline more than 60 years later AND at the bottom of the North Atlantic), and attempts to copy that scientist's research on ADAM -- to expand his own company's inventions. (( '' An incredibly ignorant and careless concept for the writers to have used and allegedly claim to be 'sciency' for this game --- IT IS as absurd as having THEM build a working computer from nothing but piles of sand(silicon) and copper ore and a couple of ratturds -- all AFTER merely seeing a picture of a "computer" '' )). * November 15: Fink uses his uncanny ability to read documents (written in Korean) from 20 feet away, while they are locked in secure cabinets in Dr Suchong's lab. One formula turns out to be Suchong's family recipe for Kimchi (strangely enough the recipe's ingredients included Sea Slug). * Columbia Mail, established (note - The US Postal Service refuses to accept postage not having Official US Stamps) * Bank of the Profit, established 1894 - used by Columbia's employees to cash their paychecks (much later renamed 'Bank Of The Prophet') 1895 * January 1: The US Government still controls the original Columbia - "that Decrepit Flying Carnival" as the Press calls it (It is just one irregular floaty block at this point), with only some 'America' actors and a small government crew living onboard. * February 13: The US Congress debates saving the Government money by decommissioning and scrapping the now obsolete Columbia. The vote passes. One Congressman's brother-in-law is a scrap dealer who buys Columbia for One Dollar. * April 1: Fortunately - Alternate Universes somehow send THEIR Columbia's through large Tears (a new method of garbage disposal made possible by their Greatly Advanced Quantumz Technology), and they all MERGE in this one game dimension. This explains why the later Columbia looks like it was all glued together by an average Three-Year-Old. * Columbia, as we later see it, now coalesces out of this dimensional detritus, the Government crew abandons ship and Columbia floats about erratically for several more years. Comstock, remembering his 'dream', seeks to populate Columbia with like-minded people (his cult crazies being the majority). Fink smells opportunity, and moves there and brings his 'cattle', black convict slave labor, and the Luteces with him. This true collection of misfits, which now populates Columbia, all start building statues. * A purpose-built old rundown 'Shantytown' Slum is created following Finks orders, looking like something from a Dickens Novel. He wants his 'workers' to feel at home while he exploits them. * It is suddenly alleged that Lady Comstock is murdered by Daisy Fitzroy. Unbeknownst to Columbia's Public, Lady Comstock is killed by her husband, after she threatened to reveal to Comstock's "flock" that Elizabeth was NOT their child, and is actually instead Comstock's bastard. The ex-convict Daisy Fitzroy was a servant IN Comstock House at the time, and was to be denounced as the other party to Comstock's infidelity (which likely would 'go over' even worse in Comstock's rabidly racist church). Comstock frames Fitzroy for his wife's death, to hide the truth about Elizabeth's rather odd origin and strangely sudden appearance. (('' Never brought up : Was it Not particularly wise of the Comstocks to have a prison convict as a house servant ?? )) * Another Lady Comstock walks in through a Tear with a shotgun, and Comstock manages to 'cap' her before she would have killed him. By the third Lady Comstock, the Prophet finally gets after the Luteces to get the 'Tear' problem under control in Columbia. A giant Siphon to drain Quantum Juice/Gas gets built. It slurps up ''quantum energy and puts it into a large containment device (which if it ever malfunctions, or is shut down, could cause unimaginable strangeness to occur.) ** Due to administrative error, Daisy Fitzroy escapes jail and takes refuge in the new Finkton "Shantytown" Slum. At some point later, she inspires the formation of the Vox Populi, and becomes their leader. Allegedly she is heard to say : "I AM NOT A LIBERATOR", but that is only a rumor. (( '' She then begins to Terrorize and Murder many inhabitants of Columbia, allegedly for the sake of 'Freedom', and proceeds with Extorting the immigrant population with threatened violence for her gang's sustinance. Simply ESCAPING Columbia does NOT seem to have been thought of at any point (by anyone -- even Elizabeth who could just have stepped through a Tear to 'Paris' at any time). '' )) * Twelve different attempts by Fink to obtain SeaSlugs as a source of ADAM result in mass drownings and 'crushings' of his minions in the Ocean depths. Fink finally manages to coax ONE through a Tear from Rapture (thus explaining why 'Vigors' are so expensive in Columbia). The Slug is named 'Tiny Pete' by Fink, and has a pretty little castle and a little bubbly treasure chest in his aquarium . * Marlowe The Heretic begins to sell bottles of Murder of Crows in Columbia. (( '' Who exactly Marlowe is and how he manages such magic is not explained. Rotgut whiskey with opiates and LSD in it is a far more logical explanation for SEEING BIRDS FLYING OUT OF YOUR HANDS. '' )) Eventually, the inhabitants of Columbia will start becoming cosmetically and physically maimed (or worst MIMED) , and go insane due to 'ADAM' Disease effects. The addiction involved with such substances, likewise has its effect. The resulting Crazy People, known as ' "Mergers" '(because they merge with the devil), constantly are 'thrown over the side' by the Police to protect the citizenry. * June-ish: Jeremiah Fink develops some obsession with parrot-like birds, gimp suits and strange bio-mechanical hybridization, and oddest of all - pan pipes. * October 4: Fink discovers Big Daddies through Tears, and their irreversible conversion process which gives him the idea for creating the Songbird (( '' Fink imagines himself using such minions to become the Future Ruler of The World. '' )) Progress is slow due to test subjects dying and going insane, and some only having the brain of a chicken. A gorilla that could act as a traffic light was an accidental product of this research (and became a real money maker for Fink). 1895 - 1897 * As Columbia's repairs/expansion continued, 4 year old Elizabeth is imprisoned in the monstrous tower which was built on Monument Island. This is allegedly both to protect her from the Vox Populi (who are known child murderers), and the prophesied of a "False Shepherd" (some nebulous bogeyman Comstock thought up). The population nicknames the place "The Tower of Terror". In reality it is built to allow (some rather creepy) secret scientific study of Elizabeth's reality-altering abilities by the Luteces, which provides Columbia with numerous POTENTIAL technological advances taken from alternate realities. Unfortunately, most of them cannot be replicated for lack of required materials, tools, skills and knowhow. Elizabeth's production of bodily wastes seems to be a particular fascination for her observers. One product - Huge Chalkboards - are developed and are found to sell well to Columbia's population. * "Armed To The Teeth" (a relative term) Columbia now has an adequate supply of loose bricks to drop on people below - WHEN NEEDED. 1896 * March 4: Fink cuts all ties with Suchong after the discovery of an accidental yet successful imprinting between the Songbird and its intended symbiotic target, Elizabeth. Fink misses out on development of a new and effective hemorrhoid Tonic, and will suffer terrible pains for years as a result. He makes his Pain, his Workers Pain. Jeremiah Fink records all of this for posterity on a Voxophone, until he drops it on the floor, shattering the record disk. He has the nearest servant strangled to feel better about himself. * April 31: Magic potions begin flowing from 'The Siphon'. Sarsaparilla is a popular flavor. 1897 * May 16: Columbia attempts to visit the Brussels International Exposition uninvited, but is chased off as being 'old hat'. As an indirect result, Belgian Waffles cease to exist in this dimension. * May 17: Comstock vows revenge. Imagine the humiliation of being driven off by the Belgian Navy ... 1898 * Columbia attempts to keep 'In the Black' by becoming an 'offshore' party gambling boat and floating brothel. Unfortunately Airsickness and Hypoxia dissuades most prostitutes from staying for long. Columbia's First Bankruptcy. Pigeon farming is attempted. Columbia's Second Bankruptcy. 1899 * Columbia starts making armaments made out of plaster and lathing taken from Columbia's disintegrating buildings. Fake bricks are also being made so that horse manure no longer has to be used to patch walls. Just in time, it seems, as Columbia's last horse tumbles off a ledge, falls, and kills a preacher down below doing a baptism. * April 1: An April Fools Day to remember. During a 'Hey Watch This' stunt, a large section of Columbia collided with another, causing massive damage, and many deaths, and destroying the only Bowling Alley in Columbia. Falling bowling balls do horrendous damage to igloos below. Inuit people live in fear for decades following this incident. 1900 * April 9: Industrial Revolution Worker Moe Howard starts his job at Fink's Tourist Gift Manufacturing. He receives written instructions from his superior, Foreman Harpo, including a secret message from the Vox Populi desperately asking his help to smuggle out weapons for their cause. Two spies (Chickalini and Pinkey This is a Marx Brothers reference) intercept this message, but are forced to eat it when arrested by Columbian Police for stealing Lemonaide. The two spies are subsequently executed and 'thrown over the side'. * The same day, Fink Manufacturing starts producing ShitStorm guns to arm each of Columbia's police enforcers against a foreseen uprising of the Vox Populi. Meanwhile, the revolutionaries (allegedly founded as non-violent) start selling the smuggled weapons on the Black Market to finance their revolution (thus indirectly arming many citizens unfriendly to their cause). * August 15: Fink Manufacturing starts producing Krappsak rifles as requested by Police Chief Jefferson Poople to equip police snipers. The Vox Populi divert some of the weapons to use to keep the city's rooftops under their control, but forget to obtain the proper bullets. * October 31: An out of control fire, started during an employee branding at the Fink Manufacturing facility, causes the city's leadership to detach part of the factory structure to prevent the fire's spreading. This results in the deaths of numerous trapped workers and the destruction of Columbia's remaining Cotton Candy. This leads later to the popular children's rhyme : "Why the hell don't we have a fucking fire department ?". Following this fateful date, the Vox Populi become increasingly murderous under the leadership of Daisy Fitzroy (who soon personally executes several of her cadre for not being sufficiently murderous). * The Columbia Police State clamps down on agitators and saboteurs, and activates a new system of informers which brings the decimation of the Vox Populi and the Columbia Stamp Collectors League. Henceforth subversives in Columbia never know who might be a paid informer. 'Forced Smiling' becomes a harrowing daily ritual across all the city's social strata. Men carrying coffins, and whom throw handfuls of cannibalistic crows about, stalk the city during the dusk to dawn curfew. 'Fun Time' in Columbia is Over. 1901 * January 1: A first production of a new lightweight rifle made of glass, The Tinkler, is manufactured at Fink Mfg. The rifles are highly accurate for one shot, and then shatter. Fink sees this as a business opportunity rather than a disaster. The same day (coincidentally), a violent clash occurs between Vox Populi militants and police forces at the Finkton Wharf Shipping Dock, as the latter tried to prevent workers from distributing handbills about demanding holidays for the workers. Vox Populi militants are slaughtered. Also, where all the multitudes of manufactured things are 'shipped to' ('customers') from these docks, still remains a complete mystery. * July 21: Columbia becomes involved in an international incident - during the Boxer Rebellion. Columbia (Comstock's agent provocateurs) drops bricks and pours raw sewage on Chinese citizens in Peking, revealing to the World that the city is something rather annoying. The Siege finally ends weeks later when Allied Forces storm Peking. Columbianites assist with the looting and pillaging. * Columibias 'history' claiming it helps 'raze' Peking to the ground is much overrated - entailed more the dropping of bricks and garbage on the 'Oriental Devils' -- unfortunately some also killed 'white' people in the European Enclave (the International Legations). * August 4: A French 'Astrocraft' reaches Mars, making it the third Nation to visit the Red Planet. * Columbia spends the rest of the year trying to transport coconuts from the South Pacific to Russia. The puzzled Russians reject the delivery. Hence - Columbia's Third Bankruptcy. 1902 * July 6: The U.S. Government (FINALLY) formally disavows the embarrassment of Columbia's involvement in the Boxer Rebellion, the Coconuts 'faux pas', and the Mooning the City of Paris. It orders the city recalled. Outraged, Zachary Comstock takes over (kills and seizes control) from the opium-addicted US government representative and skeleton flying crew, and declares Columbia's secession from the United States. The city 'vanishes into the clouds', and then reappears after coming out the OTHER side of the clouds. Kinetoscope: "We Secede from the So-called 'Union'" ** The anniversary of Columbia's secession eventually becomes a city-wide holiday celebrating the city's independence. In years following, it is celebrated with mass hangings of untermenschen jailed for minor crimes. ** Sewer Inspection Day in Columbia is named to be July 7th - Thus Creating The First 2-Day Holiday in the History of the World. Fink later convinces Comstock that a hypothetical Three-Day-Holiday would give the serf class 'ideas'. * July 23: A strike occurs in the city's mega-factories which significantly paralyzes giftcard production. The situation turns into a brutal brawl between the workers and the police, leading to a round-up of insurgents, and one death among the policemen. Many giftcards are detroyed in the fighting. Vox Populi legal representative, John Goldman, calls for a peaceful resolution to avoid further violence. He is executed along with all the insurgents. The executed criminal's corpses will hang festooning the Monument Island statue until the last bit of them finally rots and falls away 3 years later. Kinetoscope: "String Em Up High Boys!!" 1903 * February 13: Daisy Fitzroy reveals herself as the leader of the Vox Populi. She has to go into hiding immediately, as the huge Vox propaganda posters stupidly show EXACTLY what she looks like. In numerous alternate universes she is dead within hours. The MiniMeMan: "An Urgent Message from the Editor" * November 23: A bomb disguised as a Frilly Pillow is discovered by police forces, following an anonymous tip (which sounded oddly like a bad impression of Peter Lorre). It is revealed as belonging to the Vox Populi. Several eyewitnesses, however, report seeing men dressed as Keystone Cops placing the Frilly Pillow before the arrival of the official investigation, leading both sides to accuse one another. Those on the Seditious side who so 'accuse' are rounded up and sent to the 'Work Barges'. * November 24: Soldier's Field amusement park is completed. The First Duke & Dimwith machine appalls the first child forced to watch it. Kinetoscope: "Duke and the Dimwit" The first attempts at 'surfing' at Battleship Bay leads to tragedy. Comstock writes a Haiku about "Surfing on the Blood of the Unworthy", which is only found after his death in Columbia's crash ruins. * December 26: Theodore Roosevelt contacts Nicoli Tesla and tells him to do something about "That Flying Junkyard Nuisance", but then also instructs the scientist "To leave that big Parakeet thing to me". Teddy R has his favorite three Elephant Guns serviced in preparation. * In several alternate universes, Tesla's Death Ray Canon is too successful, thwarting the President's Giant-Gimp-Suited-Parakeet hunting adventure, and loses the Smithsonian its exhibit. No matter, Roosevelt plans an expedition to the Unexplored Wilds of Venus. 1904 * The first laboratory synthesis of nicotine is reported and Fink adds it to his workers coffee "That'll keep those lazy SOBs awake for their 16 hours shifts", he says. * June 1: Fink resumes production of Big Bang rocket launchers, which was left on-hold after the Boxer Rebellion incident (while the required supply of Bamboo had been cut off). * Beanetoaster & Sons Premium Automated Stallions begins producing Automated horses. They leave even MORE mess on the city streets than the real horses had. The Public opinion is : With all the stairs and steps in Columbia, Automated Donkeys MIGHT have been a smarter product. Text of advertisement for Automated Stallions: "Est. 1904" * Emporia Towers is bombed by a man the Vox Populi believe to be a postman. This is the First occasion of "going postal" since the last recorded incident occurred for the Roman Imperial Mail in the 3rd Century AD. "Going Postal" was also slang for a punishment most servants in Columbia were threatened with - for Stealing, or Mouthing Back, or Farting in a White Persons Presence (it was being tied in a postal bag and being tossed over the side of Columbia - generally little was left identifiable when the bag hit the ground thousands of feet below - and coincidentally coincided with the popularization of "Deviled Ham" https://en.mimi.hu/gastronomy/deviled_ham.html .) * The Siphon is installed in the tower on Monument Island, and begins to limit and harness Elizabeth's powers. The Emetic Specialists who created the system are killed to keep it all very secret. With Comstocks obsession with Enemas, there was a greater preponderance of 'Emetic Specialists' in Columbia's population. * The sudden suspicious Blue Police Phone Box is spotted by Vigilant Constables. It is blown apart with gunfire and rocket launchers, leaving little but some twisted scrap, kindling wood and a very charred scarf. Authorities issue a statement reading : "Alot of Strange Crap has been happening lately." 1905 * Vanderwahl & Palmer begins to sell Sky-Hooks for traveling on Columbia's Sky-LineHeadline: What exactly are these stupid things for - breaking joints and Plummeting to Death ?" - Columbia Journal. Seen as one of the biggest Hoaxes in Columbian history, as the proposed mechanism would most frequently cause dislocated shoulders and other joint destruction, and numerous fatal falls. Vanderwahl was eventually hung for the fraud, but Palmer escaped the noose by committing suicide a few days earlier. * Chen Lin opens his Gunsmith Shop in the Plaza of Pain at Finkton. It is immediately burned down by a whiskey-stoked mob yelling epithets about "no dirty heathens" being allowed in Eden. Spectators collect various souvenirs, including convenient body parts easily torn off his corpse. Chen Lin 2.0 is imported through a Tear, a Caucasian version aping orientalism as a business gimmick. * March 16: The Vox Populi attack the local prison to rescue several of their comrades. Unfortunately, the Prison had been converted to a Department Store, so nothing much was accomplished and the criminals have escaped. As a result of this situation, Chief Poople's leadership is questioned, and Fitzroy reconsiders her own loyalty to the inept-buffoons representing her cause. * March 19: In Alternate Dimension #1073, a Tear opens in Columbia and deposits a plague victim from the 14th century. Bubonic Plague quickly spreads across the population, turning Columbia into a corpse-laden ghost city which wanders the skies until wrecking itself against the Himalayas months later. Other 'Columbias' suffer similar amusing fates (More Episodes for the MMORPG DLC). 1906 * April 1: Columbia commemorates its independence by ornamentally burning corpses which had been accumulating in Shantytown (Tableaus of Famous victories over the inferior races by "The Whiteman" are presented, much to Columbia's "white" children's glee). * April 11: Chief Poople is assassinated by an assailant wielding a bowling pin during a meeting at the City Official League Night. The heinous act is claimed by the Vox Populi in revenge for the Bowling Alley massacre. Police officer Harrison Thwacker is appointed as new Chief of Police, and publicly pledges a fierce campaign to be made against the Vox Populi terrorism. Bowling pins are henceforth banned in Columbia, and a citywide confiscation is implemented. * April 18: An Earthquake in San Francisco and the following Fire had little to do with Columbia (other that the Great Caruso, who had sung on stage in Columbia once back during the 1893 Exposition, said he would NEVER go back to San Francisco ever again after being caught there in the Earthquake or to Columbia after it was taken over by a bunch of crazy treasonous heretics). 1907 * May 17: Police forces FINALLY strike a violent blow at a cabal of Vox Populi in retaliation to Poople's assassination. It is another complete slaughter with many Vox almost 'cut in two' by the gunfire. With so many corpses, the authorities simply dropped them all 'over the side'. The song "I fell for You" is sung by a barbershop quartet, and doesn't become popular. 1908 * June 4: The Vox Populi terrorists bomb the office of Columbia's treasurer Montgomery Billings to destroy the debt records of the working class. The bombing caused no casualties. What records were destroyed are little help because Bank of Columbia doesn't loan to the underclass, but many of Columbia's poor's mandatory bank account records WERE destroyed leaving them penniless. The nineteen conspirators are executed publicly - all crushed between two huge gears turned by Unterclass 'volunteers'. * September 17: Construction of the RMS Titanic begins in Belfast Harbor. In Alaska a Moose farts. The First Airplane Passenger Death occurs. Jeremiah Fink institutes a regular Enema program for all his employees to improve productivity. Everything is normal in Columbia. 1909 * May 7: Daisy Fitzroy is captured by Columbia's Paramilitary Police following a tip regarding plans for sabotage to the Sky-Line network. Legal expert John Goldman (another one with the same name) reassures the rebels that there was no betrayal from within the Vox Populi (He is later seen covertly counting large wads of money). Fitzroy is sent to the Comstock House Re-Education Center to be studied by Dr. Francis Pinchot before her sentencing for murder. "Watch what funny thing this Electrode does .." was one of Pinchot's favorite sayings. * May 9: Daisy Fitzroy was sentenced to death by slow immolation on the 14th of May, and her ashes to be dumped out of the city. John Goldman, who disappeared since her arrest, is revealed to the Vox Populi to be the traitor who gave away their leader. Unknown to the public, Fitzroy is scheduled for a experimental lobotomy as entertainment at a Founder-Only dinner party before her execution. The party's entertainment gives Jeremiah Fink ideas about controlling Columbia's 'cattle' workers. * May 13: A bomb detonates at Comstock Plaza where Fitzroy's execution was in preparation. At the same time, Vox members managed get into Comstock House and smear human feces all over the walls. Dr. Pinchot, who was sympathetic to Fitzroy, is betrayed and murdered by Daisy Fitzroy, even after promising to assist in her escape before her Lobotomy. His dying words were "BUT I WAS EXPECTING CARROTS", the meaning of which remains a mystery to this day. Later, a medical journal Pinchot was writing titled : "The Psychology of Dissent: Interviews with the Anarchist Daisy Fitzroy" is found in his office, but is amazingly found to contain the phrase "Macintosh is Dead", written five thousand times. * May 14: Incidents of Cattle Mutilations in Columbia triple. ( Setting the story frame for "Cattle in Revolt" (A BioShock Infinite Novel) a poorly made clone of "The Devil In The White City". ) * October 31: '''The Luteces are supposedly killed after one of their machines is sabotaged by Jeremiah Fink because they were thwarting his plans to take over the World. The disaster apparently dispersed them (as told by a chronically insane asylum patient) across multiple realities, allowing them to exist across alot of time and space, where they can make lots of trouble. Meddling in alternate multiverses then becomes the Lutece's hobby. The Luteces constantly have 'good chuckles' whenever they contemplate the number of people they arange to get killed and the destruction which is unleashed. 1911 * '''May 31: The RMS Titanic is registered in Liverpool, England and launched on its maiden voyage. What this has to do with Columbia or its Faux-science or Faux-religion or Faux-history or its milque-toast showing of social ills is unknown. Titanic soon sinks with huge loss of life. A week later Columbian 'Psychics' predict a similar 'plunge' for Columbia (They are rounded up and quietly strangled in the Columbia Police HQ). A new Duke&Dimwit program is made which uses a mass-drowning punchline in a message about being careful steering. * August 15: Columbia's Police Force reveals the Motorized Patriot - A formidable looking device which cannot traverse stairs, a common obstacle in Columbia. One immediately guns down a crowd who is there to witness its debut. The Vox Populi see it as another reason to leave Columbia as soon as possible. All transport is soon guarded by similar gun-machines, and finally the trap is closed and the prey is in its jaws. The Suicide rate of Vox Populi increases dramatically, the members despair and prefer to end their lives rather than face being brutally culled by machines. * October 29: At the Solvay Conference on Physics, prominent Physics Science attendees have a 'good laugh' about the preposterous idea that multiverses should exist to explain the perceived Wave/particle nature of Light. Actual real particles of Photons and Electrons are a hot topic, inspiring real science to move forward. 1912 * March 13: City officials grant Police Chief Thwacker the authority to apply his "Final Strike", and arrest anyone even remotely suspected of being a Vox Populi member or supporter. The rebels renew their determination to hide in Columbia's deepest holes. * April 14–15: The RMS Titanic collides with an iceberg at 41° 46' N, 50° 14' W, and sinks taking the huge gem known as The Heart Of The Ocean with it. Unfortunately, Comstock's Columbia is nowhere near, and is unable to drop bricks on the 'damned' below. * June 11: Jeremiah Fink considers changing Vigor formulas to an injectible form to reduce their production cost. Upto this point no one has been able to afford the Vigor's prices which are the equivalent of more than the average White inhabitant's yearly salary. Fink plans to wait until the 'oral' doses sell out to recoup his expenses. Jeremiah Fink's Voxophone: You might as well just rob them * The Lutece twins find the drunkard thug Booker DeWitt (#123), and bring him into Comstock's timeline so he can reclaim Elizabeth and foil Comstock's plans. Across at least 122 different realities, none of Booker's attempts had been successful - most are spectacularly and messily unsuccessful (many of those brought a little vomit to Rosalind Lutece's mouth). For some unexplained reason, all these Bookers inhabiting the same dimension as the very same individual calling himself "Comstock" never seems to cause a 'Merge' (or a head implosion/whatever) equal to what is show in various Tear universe jumping scenes. * July 6: Columbia celebrates the 10th anniversary of its 'secession' from the United States. The events of BioShock Infinite begin to occur. A truly authentic american historic-like festive public stoning goes terribly wrong, and a madman is unleased on the flying city of Columbia. ** The events of BioShock Infinite. Booker DeWitt and Elizabeth's various dimensional crossing actions. All Booker's timelines (and Columbia's) are erased by Booker being drowned by Elizabeth BEFORE his 'baptism', eliminating the Causal Chain for Columbia. She murders her father, preventing her own self from existing. This fails. Elizabeth, the dimension goddess, on learning that their are an INFINITE number of 'Bookers' yet to kill, decides to destroy 'baptism' as the source of evil in the world instead. (( '' It might have been more imaginitive to just have a blank screen for the credits. Having the game uninstall itself might have been a little too clever. Elizabeth afterwards appearing with Booker, with the multiple lighthouses. And then there is a visit to Rapture which MAKES NO SENSE WHAT-SO-EVER to the story (besides simply as a lead in for a DLC episode using the popular Rapture setting). But then, what really did make much sense in all the rest of the Infinite BS game's story ???? '' )) * July 7: The murderous rebel Daisy Fitzroy, on being convinced by the Luteces, allows Elizabeth Comstock to kill her in order that Elizabeth 'becomes a decent person'. Thus is created the stupidest revised game storyline in ALL of the still existing dimensions. Daisy Fitzroy is exposed TO NOT BE the amazing genius the 'enlightened' Game Writers portrayed her as (and ditto for themselves). 1958 * December 31 Burial at Sea has a now supposedly non-existing Elizabeth in Rapture meeting a now supposedly non-existing Booker DeWitt, who visit a version of a now non-existing Columbia. Something is rotten in Logicland. The Magical Pagan God "CUZ" appears, and gently reminds unbelievers that when the Almighty Buck is to be had, gamemakers "don't really give a damn" about anything good or true, and thus pave their own path to hell. 2013 * March 26: A very disjoint and messed up game is released which pretends to be about Quantum Physics and Historic American Evils, but is merely a confused incohesive Fantasy pretending to be a BioShock game. * June 7: A Nobel Prize winner whose achievement was in the field of Quantum Physic laughs himself to death on hearing the plot of Infinite BSNot Stephen Hawking. Anyone else who knows one iota about Quantum Physics or History so exposed vomits in their mouth a little. 2014 * February 18: A Game based on the history of Columbia was so successful One of the most expensive games of recent history, even when being sold upon a successful Branding, it only makes its costs back that the game studio which created it was disbanded. The parent company has no plans for the studio's boss, to have anything further to do with the 'BioShock' franchise. 2015 * "Authentic Diversity" is heard from someone trying to get a new gamemaking gig, while making believe the games that person had previously made had even a minuscule amount of that concept in them. One hopes in future that good game play for the Players becomes as important an aspect in the future games. ---- ---- . .